In Cory Doctorow's @doctorow latest essay in Locus he again brings up his point that, "Life is not a ledger. Your sins can’t be paid off through good deeds."
The context is, once again, Jeannette Ng's speech calling John W. Campbell a 'fascist'.
And he's right, buti t leaves me feeling butthurt for some reason. Ever since the first time Cory made that point it has bothered me and I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. And, yeah, it's true. But I don't like it.
Why? Because I desperately want to believe I can cancel out my sins.
Perhaps, even with a life weighed in the balance, I will die with red ink on my conscience. But I still want an opportunity to try. My past is behind me and I am no longer that person, yet I long to apply the salve of present kindness to the wounds of past wrath.
And the fact I cannot means the pain, and the stains, of my past cannot be salved or washed away. It saddens me.
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